dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
