I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
