Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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