It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
