your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
