brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
