i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
