You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
