Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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