Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
