when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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