yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He felt like a one man threesome
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize