First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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