My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
