whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
