new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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