So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
