he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
