My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
