wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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