Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
