I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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