this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
