You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
