you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
