and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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