So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
