think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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