How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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