Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Randomize
