I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
