HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
