got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize