Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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