The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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