either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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