Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
