mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
