The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize