I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
