Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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