white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
