just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
