Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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