I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Congratulations! We have a period
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
