Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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