Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
