I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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