oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
