Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
her vagine was all disorganized.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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