Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
