oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
