How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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