Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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