This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
