I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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