just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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