Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
