remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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