My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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