hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize