Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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