Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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