Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
