I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
