Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
