I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i now understand why vodka
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
