How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
