Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
