he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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