Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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