did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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