Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
