This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
