im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
