"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
