Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize