sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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