I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
