And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
