That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
