I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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