So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
