I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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