I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
