at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
