2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
