I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
this will be a night to untag.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
