Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
