Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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