He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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