we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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