i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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