HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
