Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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