Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
