i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
