Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
