i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
