I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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