This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can I color on your dick again?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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